459 funny family quotes - Page 6 - Wordgag

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

May 26, 2026

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

May 26, 2026

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

May 26, 2026

And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

May 26, 2026

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

May 26, 2026

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

May 25, 2026

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

May 25, 2026

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

May 25, 2026

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

May 25, 2026

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

May 25, 2026

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

May 25, 2026

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

May 25, 2026

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

May 25, 2026

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

May 25, 2026

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

May 25, 2026

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

May 25, 2026

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

May 25, 2026

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

May 25, 2026

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

May 25, 2026

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

May 25, 2026

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

May 25, 2026

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

May 25, 2026

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

May 24, 2026

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

May 24, 2026

Refusing to attend my brother’s gambling intervention until they agree to call it a slot shaming.

May 24, 2026

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

May 24, 2026

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

May 24, 2026

How long are you allowed to hide in the bathroom during family visits?

May 24, 2026

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

May 24, 2026

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

May 24, 2026

The introverted urge to spend a week alone at home after many holidays and family gatherings.

May 24, 2026

I handed in my exam blank so that the teacher has more time to celebrate Christmas with her family.

May 24, 2026

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

May 24, 2026

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

May 24, 2026

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

May 24, 2026

I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

May 24, 2026

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

May 24, 2026

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

May 24, 2026

I really miss my family… sized bag of crisps.

May 24, 2026

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

May 24, 2026