280 Funny family quotes

More funny family quotes 👇

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  5 months ago

  View →: Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I think my dad just eradicated a small village with his sneeze.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”
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  5 months ago

  View →: The number one rule of Thanksgiving dinner is take your own vehicle so you can leave on your own terms.
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  5 months ago

  View →: No show does a misunderstanding / miscommunication plot better than Modern Family does.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I was born a boy, but according to the packaging, I identify as a family of four.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Game night with the family is only fun until I lose.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.
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  5 months ago

  View →: You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.
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  5 months ago

  View →: They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Welcome to parenting! The only hobbies you have left are the ones you can do in the bathroom.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’m not joining no alternate Twitter app. If this gets taken down, I’m starting a family.
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  5 months ago

  View →: My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”
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  5 months ago

  View →: My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.
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  5 months ago

  View →: When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”
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  5 months ago

  View →: As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.
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  5 months ago

  View →: There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.
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  5 months ago

  View →: If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?
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  5 months ago

  View →: If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

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