459 funny family quotes - Page 4 - Wordgag

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

May 21, 2026

Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

May 21, 2026

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

May 21, 2026

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

May 21, 2026

I’m basically a taxi today for the kids and dogs.

May 21, 2026

Parenting sometimes feels like you’re an elevator. Lots of ups and downs and the kids love to push your buttons.

May 21, 2026

My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

May 21, 2026

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

May 21, 2026

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

May 21, 2026

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

May 21, 2026

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

May 21, 2026

The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.

May 21, 2026

Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

May 21, 2026

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

May 21, 2026

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

May 21, 2026

Enemies to lovers is only good if they’re gay. If I wanted to see a man and a woman yell at each other, I’d just go downstairs and eat with my parents.

May 21, 2026

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

May 21, 2026

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

May 21, 2026

Grandmas be like: Imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings.

May 21, 2026

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

May 21, 2026

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

May 21, 2026

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

May 20, 2026

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

May 20, 2026

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

May 20, 2026

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

May 20, 2026

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

May 20, 2026

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

May 20, 2026

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

May 20, 2026

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

May 20, 2026

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

May 20, 2026

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

May 20, 2026

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

May 20, 2026

Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

May 20, 2026

I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

May 20, 2026

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

May 20, 2026

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

May 20, 2026

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

May 20, 2026

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

May 20, 2026

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

May 20, 2026

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

May 20, 2026