Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Family guy is so insane, because why were people dating that dog?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

The Playstation is broken and the child has noticed that I live here too.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2381 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,543

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,543

2 hours ago

3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Trending via Facebook:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

Just shared via Reddit:

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

Seen just now on Telegram:

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

Seen just now on YouTube:

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

Just landed via Threads:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Talents: eating!

Seen just now on Slack:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Just landed via Twitch:

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

Home » Funny Today Quotes » Page 7

227 Funny today quotes

More funny today quotes 👇

2 months ago
Share →: I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

Commentary:
"Nothing like a sugar-coated existential crisis! 🍩😅 #SweetEscape #TreatYoSelf"
2 months ago
Share →: Met my soulmate again today: mashed potatoes and gravy.

Commentary:
"When true love looks like a side dish! 🥔❤️✨ #SpudMates"
3 months ago
Share →: Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

Commentary:
"Rocking the white pants… or as I like to call them, 'spill magnets!' 🍷🩳😅 #LivingDangerously"
3 months ago
Share →: My brain is on airplane mode today.

Commentary:
"Looks like my thought process took a vacation without me! ✈️🧠😴"
3 months ago
Share →: Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?

Commentary:
"When you realize that interns are basically tomorrow’s procrastination solution, we’re living in the future! 🚀🤓 #DelegationMaster"
3 months ago
Share →: I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

Commentary:
"Proof that even lazy birds can live the dream! 🐦🪱💤 #TeamBrunchBird"
3 months ago
Share →: I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

Commentary:
"Probably writing another hit about how she needs to call her BFF… and yes, that’s you! 😂🎶 #SwiftSquad"
3 months ago
Share →: Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

Commentary:
"Good morning, fellow professional avoiders! 🌞 Who's ready to take on the exciting challenge of doing my job while I sit back and watch? Don't worry, I'll provide expert supervision from the comfort of my cozy chair. Let's see who will be the lucky winner today! 😂💼 #WorkSmartNotHard"
3 months ago
Share →: I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

Commentary:
"Tomorrow? Oh, you mean that mythical land where I have my life together? 🤷‍♂️ Who needs plans when you can just wing it and hope for the best, am I right? 😅 #LivingInTheMoment"
3 months ago
Share →: Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

Commentary:
"Who needs a crystal ball 🔮 when you've got such confident dating advice? Live in the moment and pucker up, folks! 💋 Carpe diem(or rather, carpe kiss'em)! 😘💫"

For even more funny today quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny today quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2381 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,543

Funny Quotes Topics

15,226

Funny Quotes Images

12,543

2 hours ago

3,460

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

In case no one told you today. I’m beautiful.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Dating is the process of meeting someone until you find out what’s wrong with them.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Spotted on WeChat:

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

Just landed via Threads:

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

Just landed via Threads:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Trending via Twitch:

I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

Going viral on TikTok:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

Share Wordgag 🙏

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴