Gender is a just a scam made by big bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.

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I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

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Girl, I’m bored. Let’s start drinking the daily recommended 10-15 cups of water.

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How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

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Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

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When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

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I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

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But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

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It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

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It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

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There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.