Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

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I have this rare skin disease called perfect.

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I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

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Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

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I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

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I came. I saw. I made it awkward.

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Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

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If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

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Just done a HIIT workout and if anyone sees me trying to do that again just go ahead and hiit me in the face.

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If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

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Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.