Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Commentary:
“Having children is basically signing up for a lifelong pyramid scheme where the ‘investment’ keeps growing… in toys, clothes, and college tuition! 🧸👶💸#Parenting101”

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  • My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs vitamins and healthy living, when you have a healthy dose of spite and biscuits to keep you going strong until 90! 🍪😂 Granny’s secret recipe for longevity! #SpiteAndBiscuits”

  • Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

    Commentary:
    “Unleashing the hidden treasures of the earth, one never-ending pile of laundry at a time! 🌎🧺 Who knew being an Earth explorer could also mean mastering the art of folding fitted sheets? 😉”

  • I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a fitness tracker when you have a cleverly named dog like ‘5 Miles’? It’s the perfect excuse to skip the gym and just let your furry friend do all the work. Just remember to keep up the facade when someone asks about your workout routine!”

  • I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

    Commentary:
    “Life’s too short to be entangled in drama! 🙅‍♂️ Keep your distance and let the chaos unfold from a safe distance…preferably with popcorn in hand! 🍿😄 #DramaFreeZone”

  • Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

    Commentary:
    “Sounds like the element of surprise was working overtime in the office today! 🤪🤷‍♂️ ‘Why hold the baby’ – a hard-hitting question that left everyone speechless and giggling. Sometimes, it’s best to just roll with the unexpected and embrace the comedic chaos! 😂👶 #OfficeAntics”

  • Don’t fall in love. It’s bad.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs love when you can have an unlimited supply of ice cream instead? 🍦😂 Just think of all the heartbreak you’ll save yourself from! #TeamIceCream”