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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

You don’t see guys traveling around on those seesaw-type push carts on railroad tracks anymore.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Jan 6, 2026

3,688

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

The collective noun for a group of narcissists should be an ‘egosystem’.

Making waves on Facebook:

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

Seen just now on Instagram:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Tupperware is filing for bankruptcy. They would have kept a lid on the news but they couldn’t find one.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Spotted on Reddit:

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

2 months ago

0

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Optimism at its finest! 🙌 Watch out, gravity, we've got a cunning strategist over here! 😂 Who knew stair climbing could double as a risk management strategy? 🤔 Stay safe and keep reaching for the stars, one step at a time! 🌟🚶‍♂️ #SafetyFirst #WittyQuotes"

advice, always, distance, fall, humor, i, life, life advice, risk, safety, stairs, take, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

0

2 months ago

celebrity, even, hacked, humor, identity, irony, Kanye, know, privacy, surprise
My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

0

2 months ago

American, chicken nuggets, critique, education, food, humor, i, nuggets, opinion, order, piece, system, ten, ten piece
Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

0

2 months ago

adjuster, call, comedy, dinosaur, disaster, end, every, getting, humor, insurance, insurance adjuster, jurassic, Jurassic Park, movie, park, phone, phone call, reaction, should, throwing
Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

0

2 months ago

airport, anything, asked, coke, expensive, food, food pricing, humor, i, joke, just, me, paid, pricing, sandwich, security, seen, start, travel, unusual
A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

0

4 months ago

conversation, humor, interaction, interview, job, job interview, liar, social, social interaction, workplace
I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

0

2 months ago

absolutely, age, comfort, convenience, extra, i, little, maturity, okay, paying, payment, spending, understand, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Reddit this month:

If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

46 shares on TikTok this month:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

20 shares on Discord this month:

It’s funny how when you’re at work, “Go to hell” comes out as “No problem.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Men used to go to war, now they drinking matcha.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The idea that the zombies in the 28 Days series exist entirely in Britain is genuinely hilarious. The rest of the world saw that and was like, “Yeah, they can handle it on their own.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretty sure the inventor of noise-canceling headphones had a young kid trying to learn an instrument.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,604

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Being an adult is a little out of my price range right now.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

People with ADHD be like “I can’t fry an egg, I got too much going on”.

Just landed via WeChat:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Going viral on Twitch:

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Trending via Facebook:

The subtle art of letting yourself go crazy once in a while.

Trending via Slack:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Trending via Telegram:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

There aren’t enough rap songs about cutting coupons.

Just landed via Messenger:

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

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