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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

People singing Happy Birthday to you feels like a real-life unskippable ad.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,409

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Live now on Slack:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Just shared via Slack:

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

Seen just now on Threads:

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

Just shared via Threads:

Celery is depressing green water wafers.

Going viral on Reddit:

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

Trending via X:

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

Breaking via X:

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

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I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.
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Commentary:
Sounds like I've got a VIP reservation at the Toss & Turn Inn! 🛌🌀😴

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Discord this month:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

If you’re a mad scientist, put a note in your laboratory reminding you to sometimes be a happy scientist.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

44 shares on Discord this month:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

18 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

75 shares on Threads this month:

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to a DaBaby concert because I need some alone time, and I know no one else will be there.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I asked my boyfriend if he believed in trolls and elves and he said, “slightly.”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,311

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

When someone giving me directions says, “You can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

Spotted on YouTube:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

Shared recently on YouTube:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

Just shared via Slack:

Every man learns for himself the uselessness of owning an iPad.

Spreading quickly via X:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Trending via Threads:

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

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