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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Another day waiting, and wishing, and wanting.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Anyone else smile at old people just to show that you’re one of the good ones.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,470

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Stop normalizing things, we’ll run out of the weird shit.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Your posts make me wish I could forget how to read.

Spreading quickly via X:

In my 20s: I’m gonna live forever! In my 40s: uh oh!

Breaking via Facebook:

Women watch Netflix with subtitles because they don’t know how to listen.

Breaking via YouTube:

Line dancing was created by women waiting to use the restroom.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Just shared via Reddit:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Broadcasted on Slack:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this cigarette just now.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I did some soul searching last night. I’m happy to report I still have one.

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

2 months ago

0

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🎬👻 When you think you’re watching a horror classic but it's actually just a hilarious parody – plot twist! 😂 Who needs to scream when you can laugh your way through it all in Scary Movie! 🍿 #MovieMixUp #HorrorComedyFun

comment, friend, Goofy, humor, i, know, misunderstanding, movie, never, saw, scary, Scary Movie, scream, seen

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

0

2 months ago

comparison, date, empty, excel, full, glass, humor, mindset, optimist, perspective, pessimist
Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

0

2 months ago

humor, life, nap, problem, relaxation, rest, solution, wrong
That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

0

2 months ago

cinema, comedy, film, films, frustration, humor, hurt, myself, others, subtitles, sync, urge
I’m officially at the age where I’m not upgrading my phone until it stops working.

0

2 months ago

age, humor, life, phone, technology, upgrade, where, working
Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

0

3 months ago

accessory, apple, Apple Watch, attire, dress, fashion, formal, formal attire, humor, kid, outfit, please, spy, spy kid, style, take, watch
Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

0

2 months ago

appetite, big, craving, food, forget, forklift, fun, humor, i, joke, joke about food, mini, needs, oversized, pizza, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

15 shares on Twitch this month:

Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

39 shares on X this month:

This meeting could have been a cake.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

50 shares on Slack this month:

Shout out to all you people out there who get asked if you’re okay a lot even though that’s the only facial expression you have.

14 shares on WeChat this month:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

43 shares on X this month:

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

52 shares on X this month:

I just love the lack of privacy in the pharmacy line. Just standing there shouting out my name, date of birth, and exactly what is wrong with me for the world to hear.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t believe the phrase “if they wanted to, they would,” because I want to, and I don’t.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

5 folks are currently checking 👀

This post is invisible, and only heathens can see it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,577

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Breaking via Reddit:

Turns out “V for Vendetta” is not an educational movie and it won’t teach your kids the alphabet.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

Shared recently on WeChat:

When I say I love the ocean, I mean I love the surface. Whatever goes on beneath has my respect, but it’s none of my business.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Going viral on Instagram:

You don’t even have to date, by the way. You can just take a break from love and then randomly meet the actual love of your life somewhere you weren’t even supposed to be.

Just landed via Pinterest:

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Shared recently on Messenger:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

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