Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I support Bluesky in theory, but in practice, it’s like a JRPG with no bad guys.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,373

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

Seen just now on Slack:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Shared recently on Facebook:

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

Live now on X:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

Seen just now on YouTube:

It’s so hot outside that when I opened my front door I thought I was checking on my oven.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Guess it's time to learn puppy love all over again! 🐶😂 #BarkInsteadOfBite"

awkward, bark, embarrassment, forgot, humor, i, intimacy, joke, mess, moan, self-deprecating, sex, sexual, sexual humor

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

0

3 months ago

book, distraction, excitement, focus, hard, life, once, planning, travel, trip, vacation
I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

0

3 months ago

balance, ethics, hate, hater, humor, informed, nuance, sarcasm
Blocking him isn’t enough. I want his favorite sports team to finish last every year for now and forever.

0

2 months ago

blocking, enough, every, favorite, finish, finish last, forever, frustration, humor, i, last, revenge, rivalry, sports, sports team, sportsmanship, team, want, year
I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, intelligence, interaction, IQ, people, room, room temperature, social, social interaction, talking, temperature
Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

0

3 weeks ago

acting, again, am, apology, happen, humor, i, personality, self-awareness, sorry, weird
If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

0

2 months ago

advice, alert, caution, humor, kings, planet, relationship, remember, stay, stay alert, world

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Reddit this month:

Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

78 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

35 shares on YouTube this month:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever taken an afternoon nap on the couch?

72 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Me liking your post is the equivalent of an angel kissing your forehead.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Staying weird for my own sanity.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Being a dinosaur sounds kinda nice. No bills, no work, just extinct.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

Just shared via Facebook:

I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’ve watched porn with better writing than Stranger Things.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Welcome to your 40s, you now respond to every younger person telling you their age with “Jesus Christ”.

Spotted on Slack:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Just landed via Instagram:

Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Once you book a trip, it becomes hard to focus on life.

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

Blocking him isn’t enough. I want his favorite sports team to finish last every year for now and forever.

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨