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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Quitting my job to focus more on my desire not to work anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

We need a Disney princess who’s a greedy profiteer, so we can cheer for the poison apple.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

It’s funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 7 beers and 5 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,640

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

Going viral on Threads:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

Just shared via Telegram:

Why socialize when you could party inside your room with your 10+ personalities?

Shared recently on Facebook:

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

Spotted on Discord:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

Spotted on Reddit:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

3 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny text about mental health and relationships, playful and witty in tone.

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Commentary:
"Sending positive vibes and bed sheets for everyone's well-being! 😜🛌 #MentalHealthMatters"

activity, dating, fun, fun activity, health, hope, i, laid, mental, mental health, own, relationships, soon

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Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Threads this month:

Oh, I’m so excited to wear Uggs, beanies, and oversized sweaters. I can feel fall creeping up.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

17 shares on WeChat this month:

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

There will only be world peace if we get another Gangnam Style.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

As funny as it sounds, the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

48 shares on Slack this month:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

20 shares on X this month:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

I hope my parents feel proud. They scared me so bad about getting pregnant as a teenager that now they’re never getting grandkids.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Asian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on your studies.

Spotted on Threads:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I want his favorite sports team to finish last every year for now and forever.

Spotted on Facebook:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Live now on Snapchat:

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

Spotted on Snapchat:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

We’ve got a shituation here.

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

We’ve got a shituation here.

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨