Commentary:
Sounds like he's still waiting for his political compass to load… ⏳🔄💼
11 Funny laid quotes
Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.
Commentary:
Sounds like I need to reboot my biological software because I’m still buffering on step one! 🍽️🤔😅
Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.
Commentary:
Sounds like his chest might need an eviction notice! 😂🏠🎙️
I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.
Commentary:
"Sending positive vibes and bed sheets for everyone's well-being! 😜🛌 #MentalHealthMatters"
Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.
Commentary:
“When old job habits die hard… still giving my boss TMI, 5 months later. 💩📱😂”
Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.
Commentary:
"Well, time to invest in some non-stick cookware and start sizzling! 🔥🍳😏 #IslandEscapades"
I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.
Commentary:
Well, those bruises must have quite the active social life if they're not from getting lucky in love!
I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.
Commentary:
"May your love life be booming and your job secure in 2022! 🥂 Here's to a year of passion without pink slips! 🕺💼 #Priorities"
Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.
Commentary:
"Starting the day with a fierce twerk and some self-love, because why not? 💃🪞💤 Who needs coffee when you've got that kind of energy boost! 😂 #MorningMotivation"
“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.
Commentary:
"Well, at least my sense of humor was my ultimate wingman back then! 🤪😂 #FunnyNotFoxy"