Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

For Halloween, you should be mine.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

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15,753

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17,766

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

Going viral on Pinterest:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

Spotted on Twitch:

I get jealous when I find someone playing a song I thought only I knew.

Shared recently on Slack:

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

Going viral on TikTok:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Seen just now on X:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

Shared recently on Slack:

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Clever and humorous quote about optimistic immortality with a witty twist.

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Commentary:
"Oh, the eternal optimist! 🌟 Living forever, one day at a time… and still going strong! 💪😂 #ImmortalGoals"

forever, good, humor, i, intention, joke, life, live, optimism

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Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Slack this month:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

91 shares on Slack this month:

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

77 shares on Slack this month:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

I never met a problem I couldn’t make worse.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

31 shares on Discord this month:

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry for texting back instantly. My phone is in my hand, I’m mature, and I like you.

30 shares on Discord this month:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler who lost the chance to push a button.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

You can just comment, “You two look nice,” on a photo of three people. It’s free and legal.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I don’t have mirrors in my house. I mean, who wants to see disappointment everyday?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

Making waves on X:

Bought some coconut shampoo, but when I got home, I realised I didn’t have a coconut.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Making waves on Instagram:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

Trending via Twitch:

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

Spotted on Reddit:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

Seen just now on Slack:

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Controlling your emotions while on your period is an extreme sport.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

“I asked ChatGPT”. I confided in Amazon. I confessed to McDonald’s. I have an inside joke with Exxon Mobil.

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Keep the laugh going 😂

It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

“I asked ChatGPT”. I confided in Amazon. I confessed to McDonald’s. I have an inside joke with Exxon Mobil.

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨