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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Salary week, but salary weak.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Going viral on Threads:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

According to my skin, hair, lips, and hands, I am doing Dry January.

Going viral on Discord:

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Shared recently on X:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

What do you mean it’s Monday? We just had Monday. This can’t be right.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

Going viral on Twitch:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

Just shared via Messenger:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

I love doing research. I will look up some stuff in a minute.

4 weeks ago

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Procrastination has never been so productive! 😂🔍📚

doing, humor, i, joke, laziness, love, minute, procrastination, research, science, study, stuff

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14 shares on WeChat this month:

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

Girl to girl: Please have at least two boyfriends.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

63 shares on Instagram this month:

Why go to the art museum when I can just stare at you?

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

In contrast to the ship, the movie Titanic was quite well received in America.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Accepting you’re about to throw up, gotta be the worst feeling on God’s green earth.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Getting older just means that you have to start eating all the sad foods.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

My toxic trait is thinking every inconvenience is the universe personally attacking me.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

My body is a “wonder what happened” land.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

To be happy as a man, you simply need to replace your screen time with beautiful women time.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Before the internet, going viral meant your drawing made it to the fridge, and your sibling was furious.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

Making waves on Instagram:

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

Making waves on X:

Either you’re violently frolicking with me or you’re violently frolicking against me.

Spotted on Slack:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Live now on Telegram:

Wake me up when I’m rich!

Going viral on Slack:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

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Activity Log ✨

I love doing research. I will look up some stuff in a minute.

No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love doing research. I will look up some stuff in a minute.

Keep the laugh going 😂

No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

People should come with warning labels.

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

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