Trendy Funny Quotes

  • The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.
  • I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.
  • Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?
  • Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.
  • I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.
  • I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.