Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal optimist! 🌟 Just remember, be careful what you wish for… You might end up with a lifetime supply of ice cream and a unicorn as a roommate! 🦄🍦 #DreamBig"

aspiration, desire, dreams, humor, i, irony, life, true, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

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2 months ago

broke, confidence, humor, less, new, new year, resolution, self-improvement, sexy, wake, wake up, woke, year
I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

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2 months ago

alarm, annoyance, hate, humor, i, people, sleep, wake
Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

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2 months ago

brevity, communication, humor, just, lol, move, move on, online, online communication, reaction, say, simplicity
Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

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2 months ago

alcohol, beer, humor, meeting, microsoft, Microsoft Teams, Narcan, overdose, recovery, Teams, work
Not many things sadder than an untickled fancy.

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2 months ago

emotion, fancy, humor, irony, sadness, sarcasm, things, wit
You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

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2 months ago

count, date, dating, going, humor, joke, me, relationship, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on TikTok this month:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

65 shares on Threads this month:

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

54 shares on TikTok this month:

Beginning my getting out of bed journey this morning.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

If it’s one thing we’ve learned hiking, it’s the early bird that gets the face full of spiderwebs.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I had a marvelous time ruining everything.

Live now on Threads:

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never do anything.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I tried yoga once. I pulled a hamstring and my dignity.

Breaking via TikTok:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Making waves on TikTok:

Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.

Seen just now on Reddit:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Having an international law degree in this day and age must be what it feels like losing chess to a dog and getting robbed of $90,000 afterward.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Not many things sadder than an untickled fancy.

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨