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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,628

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Don’t worry. There is still hope for the summer: the rain should get warmer soon.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Going viral on Discord:

Not to brag, but I just walked upstairs and remembered why.

Going bananas on Threads:

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Live now on Twitch:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

Going viral on Twitch:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

Going viral on WeChat:

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

0
I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like Valentine's Day plans just got celebrity-crushed! 💔 Sorry, boyfriend, but sharing Salma Hayek might be a bit out of the budget. 😜 Maybe next year you can aim for someone a wee bit more attainable! 😉"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not to brag but this cashier is checking me out.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

Airports are the perfect place to see people who are experiencing their first day on Earth.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

What happened to the art of just liking one person?

62 shares on YouTube this month:

Hey Grok, scan through all my mutuals and find me a girlfriend, thanks!

18 shares on TikTok this month:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

23 shares on Facebook this month:

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

My one cat vomited her dinner and then the other cat went in and started eating it. And that, my friends, is what ChatGPT is to me.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m officially at the age where going out on the weekend just means I’m running errands.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to the humidity, my hair has chosen violence.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My life coach told me I didn’t make the team.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Can we talk about what little red riding hoods actual grandma must have looked like?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

At my age, I’m more frightened of a hip break than a heartbreak.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

In my culture, family is completely unimportant. And we hate food.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,282

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Caffeine is not enough anymore, I need to chew on a power line.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Y’all be riding them bikes in the street like I don’t gotta look up my next song.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m inventing a website for unemployed people called LinkedOut.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Accidentally used men’s shower gel today, and I can already feel myself lying for no reason.

Trending via Twitch:

People thinking you’re dumb is one of the best advantages you can have.

Making waves on Slack:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I need to consult the woods about this.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Just landed via Slack:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

Live now on X:

Why is nobody questioning the quietness of the cosmos?

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