Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Well, if 2-3 million dollars is what's missing in your life, I'd say you're just a few zeros away from being truly fulfilled. Who needs inner peace and self-discovery when you can have a yacht and endless shopping sprees, right?"

aspiration, dollars, dream, humor, joke, life, million, missing, money, wealth

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100 shares on Instagram this month:

Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

92 shares on Slack this month:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

16 shares on YouTube this month:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

33 shares on Slack this month:

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

69 shares on Reddit this month:

No, it’s fine. I watched some cartoons and now I feel a little more at ease with your stupidness.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

39 shares on X this month:

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

68 shares on Slack this month:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

61 shares on Threads this month:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I didn’t forget about you; my algorithm did.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Tried online dating, and it turns out my soulmate is a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details to escape his kingdom.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Like, who are those little paper umbrellas trying to protect?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Breaking via Slack:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Seen just now on Reddit:

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

Spotted on Slack:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Sorry I’m late. I was scraping the clearance tag off your Christmas present.

Going viral on Twitch:

Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

God, I wish I had enough money to discover it doesn’t make me happy.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Game night with the family is only fun until I lose.

Making waves on YouTube:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

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