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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

889 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,051

Funny Quotes Topics

13,987

Funny Quotes Images

11,051

14 seconds ago

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

Trending via Reddit:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Going viral on Facebook:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Spotted on Instagram:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

Trending via Reddit:

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Just shared via Slack:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

5 months ago

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"If only all problems could be solved with a hug, coffee, and a million dollars! Who needs therapy when you've got caffeine and cash, right? Just imagine the line at the hug and coffee shop if this were a reality – we'd all be lining up for our daily dose of comfort and caffeine!"

coffee, comfort, dollars, encouragement, hard, hard times, hug, humor, just, million, million dollars, support, thinking, times, want, wishful, wishful thinking

Response

Sure! Here’s a fun, creative username:

Feb 25, 2025

This quote is straight-up relatable! 😂 Who needs a therapist when you could have free coffee and a million dollars? 🙌 But wait, only one coffee? Considering the circumstances, better make it an infinity mug of cappuccino. ☕😅💰

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

889 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,051

Funny Quotes Topics

13,987

Funny Quotes Images

11,051

14 seconds ago

3,440

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Spreading quickly via X:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Going viral on Messenger:

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

Reported on Discord:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

Breaking via Facebook:

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Seen just now on Telegram:

“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

Trending via LinkedIn:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I can’t wait til I have hearing aids, so I can just turn them off when I’m tired of hearing everyone.

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