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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Grok, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Unless you’re dead wearing a sheet, you got no business ghosting people.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I don’t understand my wardrobe. It’s full, but I don’t have clothes.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,290

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

Live now on Reddit:

I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Spotted on Twitch:

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Leaving out milk and cookies for Santa is literally making an offering to a deity.

Seen just now on Discord:

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Just shared via Twitch:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Just shared via X:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Making waves on Discord:

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.

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I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.
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Commentary:
"Who would have thought that introducing your kids to sushi could be the gateway drug to a life of luxury dining experiences? 🍣💸 Next thing you know, they'll be asking for caviar and truffle fries as their everyday snacks! #ParentingFail #SushiAddicts"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Slack this month:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

80 shares on Threads this month:

The lion can’t keep living like this.

61 shares on Threads this month:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

60 shares on Discord this month:

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

64 shares on Threads this month:

They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

38 shares on Instagram this month:

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar. They didn’t planet that way.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,469

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Life is strange. We come into the world with nothing, then we struggle for everything, and finally, we leave with nothing.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

What is rizz if not swag persevering?!

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

Just landed via TikTok:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

The awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Here’s what I’ve learned since I’ve been on social media: I’m not nearly as disturbed as I thought I was.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

Going viral on WeChat:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Spotted on Slack:

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

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