I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

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I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I will not stop replying with gifs. I am a Millennial, it’s my birthright.

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The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

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If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

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I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

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I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

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I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

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I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

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You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.