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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,369

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

Going bananas on Discord:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Imagine if every time you stepped into an elevator, it played the “Mission Impossible” theme.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Breaking via Messenger:

Love is in the air fryer.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

Trending via Instagram:

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Spotted on Reddit:

Remember: if nobody hates you, you’re not trying hard enough.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about humor and love, highlighting self-deprecating humor and playful vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to date myself would be a real ego trip! 😜💍

am, funnier, humor, i, joke, marriage, marry, me, relationship, self-confidence, someone, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

59 shares on WeChat this month:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans no longer fit.

72 shares on Reddit this month:

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

74 shares on X this month:

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

92 shares on Discord this month:

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

88 shares on TikTok this month:

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Apparently I lack empathy, according to some stupid cow in HR.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

At least I’m part of the generation that at 30 still looks like it’s in its early 20s.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

Going viral on Telegram:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

Trending via Instagram:

My favorite part of my workday is when I grab my shit and leave.

Making waves on Discord:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Making waves on Twitch:

I have no issue with people talking in the morning. But not with me, please!

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

Making waves on Snapchat:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

Going viral on X:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

Keep the laugh going 😂

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨