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I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

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No body heat issues when you're forever hot stuff! ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ˜Ž

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The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

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A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

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Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

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My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

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Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that youโ€™re very difficult to deal with.