I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

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I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

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Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

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I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

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Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

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Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

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Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

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This is the fastest December in the history of all December.

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Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

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“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

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I want the dreams to chase me for once.