37 funny revenge quotes - Wordgag

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

May 21, 2026

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

May 20, 2026

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

May 20, 2026

I love the smell of someone burning their last bridge with me.

May 19, 2026

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

May 19, 2026

Whoever said, “Laughter is the best medicine,” clearly never tried Revenge.

May 19, 2026

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

May 18, 2026

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

May 18, 2026

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

May 18, 2026

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

May 18, 2026

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

May 18, 2026

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

May 18, 2026

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

May 18, 2026

No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

May 18, 2026

Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

Mar 31, 2026

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

Mar 31, 2026

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Mar 30, 2026

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Mar 30, 2026

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

Mar 30, 2026

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

Mar 30, 2026

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

Mar 30, 2026

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Mar 30, 2026

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Mar 29, 2026

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

Mar 29, 2026

No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

Mar 29, 2026

Revenge has no expiry date. I will deal with you when I’m ready.

Mar 29, 2026

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

Mar 29, 2026

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

Mar 28, 2026

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Mar 28, 2026

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

Mar 27, 2026

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Mar 27, 2026

Blocking him isn’t enough. I want his favorite sports team to finish last every year for now and forever.

Mar 27, 2026

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

Mar 27, 2026

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

Mar 27, 2026Mar 27, 2026

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

Mar 26, 2026

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Mar 25, 2026

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

Mar 25, 2026