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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

“I’m in a really good place right now, not mentally. I’m just indoors with air conditioning.”

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

There must be an invisible mechanism on my book. Every time I open it, my husband starts trying to talk to me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,870

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Men used to go to war, now they drinking matcha.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Making waves on YouTube:

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

Going viral on Twitch:

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

Just landed via Messenger:

Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

Trending via WeChat:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Poof! I'm out of here like my bad tweets. 🐦💨✌️

delete, disappear, humor, i, identity, media, online, online identity, should, social, social media, tweet

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

1 month ago
apologize, apology, daughter, era, family, family relationship, fashion, fashion era, gap, generation, generation gap, humor, i, jean, jeans, low-rise, low-rise jean, parent, parents, relationship, teenage, teenage daughter, top, tube, tube top
Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

1 month ago
coping, everything, fine, gaslight, health, humor, irony, mental, mental health, needs, self, therapy, thinking, yourself
Just blocked all the ugly people, so if you see this… what’s up, big sexy?

1 month ago
big, big sexy, block, blocked, humor, insult, just, media, people, person, playful, sexy, social, social media, ugly, ugly person
My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

1 month ago
birthday, body, body image, cake, food, humor, image, muffin, self-deprecation, top
Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

5 months ago
anyone, bed, bedtime, coffee, else, excited, excitement, going, just, know, me, morning
Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

2 months ago
fast, handle, hate, humor, i, karma, lord, me, patience, timing

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Going viral on Messenger:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Being silly is very important for my mental health.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

Trending via Discord:

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

I used to eat my feelings but now it’s so expensive, I might as well go to therapy.

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Your in his DMs, I’m on Etsy paying a witch to put a spell on him.

Be the nonsense you wish to see in the world.

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

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Activity Log ✨

If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

Just blocked all the ugly people, so if you see this… what’s up, big sexy?

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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