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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I liked you too much.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

One minute you’re young and fun and the next, you need a tow out of a beanbag chair.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,412

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Making waves on Messenger:

Customers will say shit like, “Uhh, it’s asking me to remove my card?”

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

Making waves on Discord:

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

Trending via Snapchat:

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

Just landed via Twitch:

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

Shared recently on Discord:

My skin has so much oil, I’m surprised countries aren’t fighting over who controls it.

Just landed via Facebook:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When billionaires need a hug after the election, you know democracy is doing its cardio. 💸😢🏃‍♂️

after, election, failed, failure, humor, people, person, politics, rich, rich person, satire, upset

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

0

2 months ago

achievement, class, eye, eye roll, graduation, humor, parenting, roll, sarcasm, top, tween, university
Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

0

2 months ago

around, awkward, awkward question, bug, crawl, funny request, humor, i, over, playful, question, request
It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

0

4 months ago

energy, exhaustion, humor, inside, much, retail, shopping, Walmart
I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

0

2 months ago

always, buy, happy, home, humor, i, me, note, reminder, retail, retail therapy, shopping, table, therapy, wanted
I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

0

2 months ago

ask, give, hell, humor, i, Kanye, million, money, right, think, time, timing
As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, everything, hate, humor, normal, older, perspective, realization, realize, Smurf

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Messenger this month:

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

Twitter is just a virtual mental hospital.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

73 shares on Facebook this month:

Satan: “I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and don’t wanna see you everyday.”

87 shares on Telegram this month:

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

40 shares on Discord this month:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

The cheapest way to fly is off the handle.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

My bad habits got renewed for another season.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Any cults got something wild planned anytime soon? I’m trying to find the good estate sales.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Live now on Twitch:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

Trending via Threads:

Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

Trending via TikTok:

Hugging helps break the tension with strangers in elevators.

Going viral on Threads:

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

Live now on Snapchat:

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

Trending via Snapchat:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

Spotted on Facebook:

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨