Someone from has copied:

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.

Someone from has downloaded:

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Someone from has downloaded:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Someone from has downloaded:

The tag on my jeans says “Relaxed” so it obviously doesn’t have children.

Someone from has downloaded:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Someone from has downloaded:

Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

Someone from has copied:

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

Someone from has downloaded:

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.