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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and share if you agree.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,595

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Breaking via Facebook:

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Making waves on YouTube:

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

Making waves on Pinterest:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

Making waves on Messenger:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Spotted on Discord:

Monday again. I just knew this would happen.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Going to a wedding really reminds me of the important things in life. Like cake.

Seen just now on Threads:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

1 month ago

Witty quote highlighting the humorous houseguest survival strategy with playful tone.

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Commentary:
Channeling my inner vampire: sleeping all day, social butterfly by moonlight 🌙🦇🍷

charm, day, ever, extended, golden, here, hospitality, houseguest, humor, invisibility, invisible, night, period, rule, success, time, yourself

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Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

Due to inflation, you can now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 7.3 seconds.

24 shares on Threads this month:

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

“Are you single?” No, I’m in a hallucinationship.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

Line dancing was created by women waiting to use the restroom.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Back in the office this morning, trying to remember what I do for work.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. Wrap it up!

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Twitter is basically introverts gone wild.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

Trending via Twitch:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

Going viral on Instagram:

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

Making waves on X:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If you’re 20, please stop saying you’re tired. I have bananas older than you.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

Just landed via X:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨