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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I’m already excited about who I’m going to think sucks first today.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

So deep in her Instagram story, I accidentally liked an ad for a Toyota.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

My name is Bob but my friends don’t call me.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Well, like I said to my television the other day, “How can these people be so stupid?!?”

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

49 minutes ago

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Just shared via Slack:

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

Spotted on Reddit:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

Going viral on Twitch:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Broadcasted on Slack:

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Just landed via Instagram:

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

Broadcasted on Threads:

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

6 months ago

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🦕🤣 Oh, the Jurassic snore strikes again! Forget T-Rex, we've got the husband rumbling like a raptor on a roll! 🦖💤 Don't need a park for that prehistoric sound show, just tune in to the nightly snore-saurus spectacle! 😂 #SleepySaurussSymphony

animals, comparison, humor, husband, jurassic, Jurassic Park, listen, need, night, park, sleep, snore, sound

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

799 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,961

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,961

49 minutes ago

3,444

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

When I was a child, my social network was called ‘outside’.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.

Making waves on Telegram:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Going viral on Threads:

Wife asked if I could stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…

Going viral on Reddit:

11 out of 10 women are always right.

Just landed via Instagram:

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Making waves on TikTok:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

Making waves on Discord:

The sexual tension between me and a late afternoon coffee to get me through the workday.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Accidentally wore a blue shirt to Walmart and now I’m in the stockroom showing Sue how to use the forklift.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

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