If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

93 shares on Threads this month:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

31 shares on Threads this month:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

Why make new mistakes when you can keep repeating the same old familiar ones.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.