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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

People watching you so close, you’d think you were a Netflix series.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Anyone else brush their teeth in the shower so they can get a little sloppy with it, or is that just me?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

If we breakup because you “wanna focus on school,” I better see you in Harvard.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,538

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

Making waves on YouTube:

And for my next trick, I’ll set your soul on fire.

Just landed via Threads:

Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your kids skipped the school of hard knocks and went straight to Comedy Central 🏠🔥😂

banter, cause, family, house, humor, insult, kids, playful, playful banter, roast, soft, toughness

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

0

2 months ago

cheat, humor, plot, plot twist, ta, tax, twist
I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

0

2 months ago

business, business savvy, childhood, fairy, humor, i, job, outsourcing, parents, savvy, tooth, Tooth Fairy
The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

0

2 months ago

activity, beverages, caffeine, celebrate, celebration, drinking, fun, fun activity, golden, humor, hydrate, hydration, rule, socializing, three
When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

0

5 hours ago

amore, brain, gun, humor, pun, suicide, wordplay
The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

0

2 months ago

existential, humor, insane, later, life, madness, purpose, sooner
I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

0

2 months ago

18th, 18th century, casual, century, devotion, eternal, fall, i, love, relationship, vampire

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on X this month:

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

83 shares on Slack this month:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

22 shares on Slack this month:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

51 shares on Messenger this month:

Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

12 shares on Telegram this month:

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

72 shares on Threads this month:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

ROMO (relief of missing out)

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

She was unique, like a millennial that could drive a stick shift.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

We live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced, so that stupid people won’t be offended.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Uber sends notifications like “Hey, want to take an Uber right now?” No thanks, buddy. It’s more for when I need to go somewhere.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

Going viral on YouTube:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Spotted on Telegram:

Why are those Mad Max guys always driving around, it’s not like there’s anywhere to go?

Going viral on Telegram:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

Just shared via Slack:

Worst thing about cutting off all your hair is you go to work and everyone treats you like Today’s Special Boy.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here eating Nutella from the jar with a spoon.

Just landed via Slack:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

Spotted on WeChat:

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

Live now on Facebook:

If you wear glasses, we expect a lot from you academically, especially if your glasses have a rope.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Plot Twist: Your taxes cheated on you.

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

When the gun shoots your brain, that’s amore.

The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨