I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

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One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

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How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

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If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

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My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

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Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

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I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

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My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.