Iā€™m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

Iā€™m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

Commentary:
“Goodnight y’all, I’m off to catch some Z’s! 🌙💤 And remember, keep the noise level at a respectable whisper…or not, I’ll just dream of earplugs! 😂🛏️ #LightsOut”

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Trending Funny Quotes šŸ‘‡

  • I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said ā€œhelloā€ like a goddam daredevil.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the good ol’ days of answering the phone blindly 📞😱 It was a wild time of thrilling unknowns! Ring, ring – cue the daredevil ‘hello’ 😆 Who needs caller ID when you’ve got nerves of steel? 🦸‍♂️💥 #BraveAnsweringSkills”

  • I canā€™t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

    Commentary:
    “I may not have a fancy car with wing doors, but at least I can enjoy the luxury of Tupperware lids doing a little wing dance every time I open them 🕊️💁‍♂️ Who needs a Tesla when you’ve got Tupperware swag, am I right? 😂🚗 #FancyLivingOnABudget”

  • I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

    Commentary:
    Oh, the thrill of sibling rivalry and the sprinting skills developed during ad breaks – lost on the Netflix generation! 🏃‍♂️💨 They’ll never understand the heart-pounding excitement of dodging furniture on a mission to claim your spot in front of the TV before the show resumes. A unique form of childhood cardio that deserves a comeback! 📺🛋️ #ThrowbackTVMoments

  • The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the classic love-hate relationship with oneself! Who knew being your own worst enemy could also make you your best friend? 🤔🤷‍♂️ Remember, always keep your friends close and your enemies… well, apparently even closer because they might just be you! 😄👯‍♂️”

  • If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

    Commentary:
    🤔💀🧛‍♂️ Let’s see: if a zombie and a vampire decide to have a little nibble on each other, would it be a battle of the bites? 🧟‍♂️💉 Who do you think would come out as the new creature in town – a bite-sized pondering mystery indeed! 🤪🌕

  • Itā€™s not my job to tell people where theyā€™re failing in life. Itā€™s just a hobby.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the humble hobby of pointing out life’s shortcomings – the gentle art of constructive criticism, if you will. 🕵️‍♂️ Just remember, it’s all in good fun until someone starts taking notes! 📝😂”