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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

You ever liked a song so much you restart it before it even finishes?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,481

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Just landed via Messenger:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

The weather’s got more mood swings than a reality show reunion.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

Just landed via WeChat:

Social media is mental suicide.

Live now on Telegram:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Trending via WeChat:

Parents be like “Boys are easier,” and then their daughter has to save the family from ruin.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Seen just now on WeChat:

The older I get, no.

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Living proof that 'Netflix and chill' can be a lifestyle choice! 📺😂 #NoRegrets"

entertainment, humor, irony, leisure, much, product, self-deprecating, supervision, television, too, zero

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

0

2 months ago

cars, eating, freedom, grass, humor, i, just, moose, school, wish, work, wrecking
“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

0

2 months ago

actually, cut, cut off, girl, God, humor, quick, relationships, self-respect, someone
It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

0

2 months ago

again, back, frustration, headache, health, here, humor, humor about health, i, illegal, nap, rest, should, shut, sleep, still, take, technology, wake, waking, waking up, why
My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

0

2 months ago

entertainment, humor, husband, movie, opinions, relationship, sleep, sure
A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

0

2 months ago

appreciation, bee, beekeepers, big, hero, humor, profession, shoutout, sting
My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

0

2 months ago

activity, dance, dance move, favorite, getting, getting out, humor, move, own, self, trying

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Instagram this month:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

32 shares on Discord this month:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!” No, I’m at a desk reading your email.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Going viral on Twitch:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Freshly posted on Threads:

No plans and no pants kind of day.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Going viral on Discord:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Breaking via TikTok:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to walk into a cafe looking confused.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨