23 funny zero quotes - Wordgag

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

May 30, 2026

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

May 30, 2026

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

May 30, 2026

It’s messed up that there are a million songs about love, but zero about hopping on a quick call with key stakeholders.

May 29, 2026

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

May 29, 2026

There is a grave concern that this post will produce zero likes.

May 29, 2026

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

May 29, 2026

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

May 28, 2026

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

May 28, 2026

Remember, guys, it costs zero dollars to be annoying to strangers on the internet.

May 27, 2026

The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

May 27, 2026

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

May 27, 2026

That one person who has zero concept of what an indoor voice is.

May 27, 2026

Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

May 27, 2026

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

May 27, 2026

I’m the product of too much television and zero supervision.

May 27, 2026

Nobody flirts better than a girl with zero interest.

May 26, 2026

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

May 24, 2026

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

May 22, 2026

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

May 20, 2026

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

May 20, 2026

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

May 19, 2026

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

May 19, 2026