It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

3 weeks ago

Commentary:
Beep beep! Who's out there? Are they on a secret mission to find 24-hour donuts? 🍩🚗💤

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If you can stand me, you deserve me!

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Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

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You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

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It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

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