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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Good luck sending me mixed signals. Most the time I can’t even understand the direct ones.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I didn’t buy that thing I wanted but didn’t need, so I celebrated by buying a different thing I wanted but didn’t need.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I’m not moody; I’m just on shuffle.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

People will scroll on their phones for 6 hours a day and wonder how other people can watch a movie every day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,500

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Breaking via WeChat:

Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

Just landed via Pinterest:

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

Just shared via Instagram:

Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Seen just now on Threads:

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

Breaking via Telegram:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the mysterious phenomenon of the ever-hungry, elusive dinner-time child 🤔🍽️! It's like they possess a magical stomach that only grumbles at the most inconvenient times. Maybe we should start serving appetizers during the main course to keep them satisfied! 🤣 #KidsAndTheirHungryWays

actual, after, always, appetite, before, dinner, food, humor, hunger, hungry, kids, mealtime, never, right

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87 shares on Messenger this month:

I slept for 11 hours last night, just wanted everyone with kids to know that.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

74 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

62 shares on Slack this month:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

Uh oh, said somethin’ weird. Better fix it by saying something even weirder.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Whole crypto scheme is built on people too dumb for crypto that aren’t self-aware enough to realize it.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting an entry-level job before the release of ChatGPT in 2022 was like taking the last chopper out of Vietnam. Few realize this yet.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If Kanye got hacked, no one would even know.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,703

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

The only thing that has grown faster than rents in recent years is the overtime we have to work to pay them.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

Live now on Pinterest:

Jeans have the tendency of looking neat when you’re about to wash them.

Shared recently on Reddit:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Just landed via Discord:

Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

Going viral on Facebook:

Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

Making waves on Threads:

When the exam is so hard that you look out the window to appreciate nature.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

Just landed via Instagram:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

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