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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

The 5 seconds in the morning, when I don’t yet know who I am, is the best time of the day.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Relationship status: he escaped.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,623

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

Making waves on Reddit:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Seen just now on Discord:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

Just landed via Discord:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Going viral on TikTok:

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Making waves on WeChat:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Looks like I've been a nutrition expert my whole life without even knowing it! 🍪🍫🥔🎉

body, candy, chip, chips, cookie, diet, essential, food, found, fuel, humor, important, nutrient, snack

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

5 months ago
crossing, humor, i, joke, just, list, list management, management, motivation, procrastination, productivity, task, things, to-do, to-do list, want
The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

1 month ago
anxiety, communication, conversation, humor, i, interaction, me, message, need, next, only, reply, social, social interaction, someone, stress, talk, text, text message, texts, time, yes
I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

1 month ago
celebrity, drama, end, enjoy, event, exaggeration, fashion, gala, humor, i, luxury, met, only, runway, satire, volcano
I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

1 month ago
choices, food, fridge, heart, humor, hunger, i, journey, love, me
Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

1 month ago
cognitive, funny thought, head, health, humor, inner, inner voice, introspection, little, mental, mental health, mind, quirky, read, self-awareness, thought, using, voice, weird
My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

1 month ago
career, career change, change, Christmas, Christmas song, funny idea, hit, hit song, i, idea, just, learn, music, need, plan, recording, retirement, retirement plan, sing, singing, song

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Shared recently on Slack:

Monday? But, I wasn’t even finished with Saturday yet.

Making waves on Facebook:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Just landed via Threads:

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

Live now on Messenger:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

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Activity Log ✨

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Yes, I sometimes put my cell phone down. Especially when it rings.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Oh I’m sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

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It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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