Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'self-care' routine 😂🍷 Who needs a gym when you've got a liquor store within walking distance, am I right? Time to get those steps in… straight to the wine aisle! 🚶‍♂️🍾 #Priorities"

better, care, health, humor, liquor, liquor store, myself, procrastination, self-care, start, store, tomorrow, walk, walking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

May the algorithms be with you.

0

4 months ago

algorithm, geek, geek humor, humor, pun, star, Star Wars, technology, wars
Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

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2 months ago

dollars, floor, food, great, having, humor, i, kids, little, love, money, parenting, spending, trash, week
It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

0

6 months ago

after, couch, humor, i, late, laziness, me, procrastination, relaxation, sat, tired, too, work
People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

0

2 months ago

communication, funny observation, greeting, happy, humor, missing, new, new year, observation, people, rest, text, year
The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

0

2 months ago

advertising, commercial, commercials, creativity, dream, fragrance, humor, i, put, TV, weird
Teens are like, “My homework isn’t done, but check out this presentation I made on why I need Instagram.”

0

2 months ago

check, distraction, done, excuse, homework, i, Instagram, media, need, presentation, procrastination, school, social, social media, technology, teen, teenager, teens, why

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Threads this month:

Get off the apps. Sleep with someone in your friend group. Add an awkward tension every time you hang out with them.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

79 shares on Reddit this month:

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

58 shares on X this month:

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

49 shares on Telegram this month:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

50 shares on Twitch this month:

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

It’s all fun and games until it’s 10 p.m., you’re all cozy in bed, and you remember you still have laundry in the washer.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

Just landed via Threads:

Not my room, not my elephant.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Going viral on Instagram:

90s scientists: we cloned a sheep. we landed a robot on mars. Scientists today: for the last time, the earth is round.

Shared recently on Messenger:

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

Going bananas on Telegram:

A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

May the algorithms be with you.

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

The folks who write fragrance commercials must be like “I had the weirdest dream, Imma put it on TV.”

Teens are like, “My homework isn’t done, but check out this presentation I made on why I need Instagram.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨