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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I need a day off from myself.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Can everyone please turn their A/C off during the day, we need that power to generate images of people with eight fingers.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Friendly reminder to drink your water and mind your business this week.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Going bananas on Telegram:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

Seen just now on YouTube:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

Shared recently on Slack:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

Spotted on Instagram:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

Spotted on TikTok:

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

Spotted on Telegram:

I wish I was born into wealth so I could have a nice 1-bedroom apartment.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about medical receptionists with a witty, playful tone.

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Commentary:
Sounds like they're guarding the gates of Mordor, not the doctor's office! 🧙‍♂️🚪😅

healthcare, humor, i, interaction, live, me, medical, medical receptionist, met, never, patient, patient interaction, receptionist, sarcasm, wanted

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70 shares on Instagram this month:

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

Anyone else brush their teeth in the shower so they can get a little sloppy with it, or is that just me?

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The most incredible thing about James Bond is the way he can walk into any hotel room and immediately know how to use the shower.

54 shares on Threads this month:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Do you mind if I become the object of your desire? No worries if not.

Just shared via Slack:

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

Just landed via Slack:

Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

Going viral on WeChat:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

Just shared via Instagram:

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Seen just now on X:

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If you don’t have a favorite spatula yet, you still have some growing up to do.

Trending via Pinterest:

Lord of the Rings is wild cause Gandalf told Frodo he had to go on a super dangerous journey and Frodo was like “Ok, can I bring my gardener?”

Making waves on Twitch:

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

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“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

I have a yearning disability.

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

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Wordgag ツ

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“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

Keep the laugh going 😂

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

I have a yearning disability.

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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