Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • If you meet me and I’m talking to myself, just keep walking. I’m self-employed and I’m in a meeting with senior management.
  • You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.
  • I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.
  • I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.
  • I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
  • Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.