Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

Nobody says, ‘Bless you,’ when you fart.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.