Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

When the Beatles say, “Come together, right now, over me,” what was that about? Why did they say that?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,230

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

Trending via Twitch:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

Shared recently on X:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Making waves on Telegram:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Trending via WeChat:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

Spotted on Reddit:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Seen just now on Slack:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like being in a relationship is just a series of "I'm sorry for napping" marathons! 😴🏃‍♂️🌀

apology, here, humor, just, laziness, nap, relationship, single, stay, taking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

0

2 months ago

dessert, eating, food, good, humor, joke, math, Pi, pun, solving
The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

0

2 months ago

animal, annoying, both, cat, cats, dumb, humor, needs, number, perfect, perfect number, pet, same, sibling, siblings, stupid, type
Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

0

5 months ago

asleep, better, book, even, everyone, middle, nice, night, peaceful, quiet, reading, relaxation, sleep, solitude, therapy
I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

0

2 months ago

bomb, comparison, flower, fragile, humor, irony, toughness
Drive as I say, not as I drive.

0

2 months ago

advice, drive, driving, humor, i, irony, rules, say
No need for a Halloween costume this year because there’s nothing scarier than being in your mid-20s and not knowing who you are or what you want to do anymore.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, being, costume, crisis, Halloween, humor, identity, knowing, life, life purpose, mid-20s, need, nothing, purpose, quarter-life, quarter-life crisis, self-discovery, uncertainty, want, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Messenger this month:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

15 shares on TikTok this month:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

29 shares on YouTube this month:

If you can’t wow them with wisdom, baffle them with bullshit.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

44 shares on Slack this month:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

20 shares on Twitch this month:

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Human hibernation should be a thing.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I can shake your hand and forget your name simultaneously.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

Just shared via Telegram:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

Breaking via Discord:

Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

Just landed via YouTube:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Spotted on Discord:

I really hope that I look like the mirror version of me, and not the camera version.

Shared recently on Instagram:

For my final act of love, I will never contact you again, but think of you always.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

This post is invisible, and only heathens can see it.

Trending via Slack:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

No need for a Halloween costume this year because there’s nothing scarier than being in your mid-20s and not knowing who you are or what you want to do anymore.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨