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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,361

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

Making waves on X:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Just shared via Reddit:

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

Making waves on TikTok:

My mom is asking each ornament, “Where do you want to live?” before putting them on the tree.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Trending via Instagram:

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

Just shared via TikTok:

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Live now on X:

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

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Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?
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Commentary:
🤔😂 When you graduate from the College of Confusion with a major in Modern Advertising, you learn that the real product being sold is the mystery itself! It's like seeking the Lost City of Atlantis every time you watch a commercial. "Is it a car ad or a cryptic riddle?" Stay tuned for next week's episode of "Adventures in Advertising!" 🕵️‍♂️🔍🤷‍♀️ #Adception

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

“I’m not concerned about Netflix buying Warner Brothers. None of this will matter once we evolve gills and start living underwater.”

83 shares on Slack this month:

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

72 shares on Reddit this month:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

Neurodivergents will be like, ‘I’m so tired,’ and then refuse to sleep because they haven’t had enough me time after surviving the day.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,261

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

A gentle reminder that if your birth year starts with a 19, you should consider wrapping the Christmas presents on a table, and not on the floor.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

Trending via WhatsApp:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Just shared via Threads:

What are cats even trying to do?

Just landed via Facebook:

First responders? You mean reply guys?

Shared recently on Messenger:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

Just shared via Telegram:

Apparently, if you leave your Tupperware cupboard unorganized for too long, they procreate, and extra lids appear out of nowhere.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

Making waves on Telegram:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Seen just now on TikTok:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

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