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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Turns out, college is all about forming unspoken, powerful bonds with people you talk to twice.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I’m so single right now, I can’t even spell relayshaunship.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Hell, yes, I work out. Somebody has to support the ibuprofen industry.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

I asked my dad what his favorite joke was. He said, “I can’t pick a favorite. I love you and your sister equally!”

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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3,272

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Broadcasted on Discord:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

Going viral on Facebook:

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

Going bananas on X:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

Going viral on Threads:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

Shared recently on TikTok:

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

Spotted on WeChat:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Going viral on Twitch:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about money never ignoring you for hours, playful and humorous in tone.

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Commentary:
Finally found something more reliable than my last text buddy 🤑📱🤷‍♂️

9, communication, hours, humor, leave, money, patience, read, relationship, texting

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20 shares on Telegram this month:

You either die a people pleaser, or live long enough to start leaving texts on read.

56 shares on Slack this month:

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

12 shares on Discord this month:

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

99 shares on Threads this month:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

34 shares on X this month:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

50 shares on Slack this month:

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

They’re called grown-ups because they groan every time they get up.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

wearing no bra and oversized clothes is self-care at its finest

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

Just landed via Reddit:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

Going viral on TikTok:

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

Trending via Reddit:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Trending via Telegram:

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Nobody can ragebait as successfully as your own mother can.

Shared recently on Instagram:

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

Trending via Reddit:

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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