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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Going to the beach as a feet guy must be insane.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,576

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I need a stunt double for when I’m navigating my way to the bathroom at night.

Shared recently on Twitch:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Just did several sets of some bullshit at the gym… no idea which muscles have been targeted.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Nobody in the entire world has ever known what to do with me.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Breaking via WeChat:

They should invent a brain that doesn’t whisper bad things to you.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

Just landed via TikTok:

I miss when my hardest decision was Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about defying advice with humor and self-awareness.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, that's one way to follow the doctor's orders! 🍹🪞 Who knew self-reflection could be so intoxicating? Maybe the real question is: does the mirror judge your choice of cocktail? 🤔😄 Remember, it's all about perspective… and a good sense of humor! Cheers to seeing eye to eye with yourself! 🥂✨

doctor, drink, drinking, health, humor, i, joke, me, mirror, self-reflection, watch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Unlocking new levels of iron deficiency.

35 shares on Facebook this month:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

21 shares on Slack this month:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

94 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

99 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

Date idea: you tell me every thought you’ve ever had about me.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Made my last mortgage payment. Yay! I still owe a lot, I’m just not paying anymore.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Every room can be a room with a view when I’m in it.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Boyfriends sound cool and all, but unfortunately, I enjoy not talking for days at a time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,665

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

When I say “I hate drama”, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan!

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

My one cat vomited her dinner and then the other cat went in and started eating it. And that, my friends, is what ChatGPT is to me.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

I wish I could Shazam a perfume.

Just shared via YouTube:

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

Just shared via TikTok:

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

Spotted on TikTok:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

Making waves on Discord:

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

Going bananas on YouTube:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

Making waves on Snapchat:

The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

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