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Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Nothing ruins my day quite like getting out of bed and dealing with people.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

You’re either really good at wrapping presents or you’re really beautiful and funny. It’s one or the other.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Nobody bools anymore. In high school, everyone was booling.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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3,738

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

The only thing longer than the opening ceremony of the Olympics is the opening ceremony of my eyes in the morning.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

Making waves on Reddit:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Just landed via Reddit:

There should be a zoo that has people from every country in it.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m really into writing short fiction, mainly to-do lists.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

Spotted on Twitch:

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about relaxation, highlighting the humor in doing nothing during yoga.

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Commentary:
The ultimate zen move: expert-level napping! 🧘‍♂️😴✨

doing, doing nothing, favourite, humor, lay, laziness, nothing, pose, relaxation, still, stillness, where, yoga, yoga pose

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68 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s not a competition, but if it was I would win.

51 shares on Slack this month:

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

17 shares on X this month:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

Spotted on X:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Shared recently on Facebook:

My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

Going bananas on Reddit:

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Spotted on Discord:

I know stretching every day will help me, but I don’t want to do it.

Spotted on Messenger:

I always like to remember the time before the internet. It was so good not to know how cruel and stupid humanity really is.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I love when men remind me I’m evil because sometimes I be thinking I’m losing my spark.

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Activity Log ✨

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

If you apply enough sunscreen, the rain simply rolls off.

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If you apply enough sunscreen, the rain simply rolls off.

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

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