Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

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Some people are like ads, just skip.

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I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

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Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

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I don’t like this new trend of old people wearing shirts of bands I listened to when I was a kid.

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Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

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Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

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Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

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Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

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Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

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Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.