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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡½ has downloaded:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡¬ has copied:

They’re making me do work at work.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

Don’t hate me, date me!

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has viewed:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has copied:

Can someone please invent 8 hours between 9 p.m. and midnight?

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡­ has copied:

Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has shared:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡° has downloaded:

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,706

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via Snapchat:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Bring me a higher love. You have 24 hours. No cops.

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Making waves on Reddit:

Carrying a conversation counts as cardio.

Going viral on Telegram:

Nothing hits harder than opening the fridge for the fifth time, hoping new food magically appeared.

Trending via Facebook:

Experts say you can make any statement sound more credible by adding ‘experts say’ at the beginning.

Freshly posted on Discord:

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

Breaking via Twitch:

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Just shared via Instagram:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

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Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.
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Commentary:
Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for! πŸΌπŸ˜…

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on TikTok this month:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

55 shares on Telegram this month:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Cut my life into pieces” screamed the earthworm and threw itself in front of my spade.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

38 shares on Discord this month:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

99 shares on X this month:

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

45 shares on Discord this month:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

29 shares on TikTok this month:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Trending Topics πŸ“

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Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Hey, we’re calling off the search party. We found a different guy out there we like more.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The first step to recovery is addiction.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

As long as you’re still fishing fruit flies out of your drink, you’re not drunk.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If alcohol damages your short-term memory, imagine what alcohol can do.

22 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,430

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡° has viewed:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡§ has shared:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¨ has copied:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡΄ has downloaded:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ύ has downloaded:

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡© has bookmarked:

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has viewed:

I am half agony, half hope.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has bookmarked:

Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡» has viewed:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Not to brag, but I can shake your hand and forget your name simultaneously.

Making waves on Messenger:

Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life.

Breaking via TikTok:

The more you embrace your crazy side, the more fun life becomes.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

Live now on Telegram:

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

Shared recently on Instagram:

No LinkedIn, I am not β€œopen to work,” I am required to work.

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