Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I love when I can smell my perfume on myself, like damn girl, you smell delicious.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

How do I get recruited by a cult? I need some direction in my life.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,560

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.

Seen just now on Threads:

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

Breaking via X:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I need a vaccine against overthinking.

Making waves on X:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Trending via Twitch:

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

Just shared via YouTube:

My skin has so much oil, I’m surprised countries aren’t fighting over who controls it.

Shared recently on X:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m writing a fairytale about a printer that just works.

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for! 🍼😅

behavior, child, child behavior, cold-blooded, feel, honesty, humor, just, nobody, observation, saying, toddler

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

0

2 months ago

age, body, check, check engine light, engine, health, humor, light, maintenance, self-deprecation, year’s
Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, ask, coffee, humor, lifestyle, love, me, older, why
If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

0

2 months ago

forest, humor, joke, kid, music, parenting, piano, practice, sound, tree, where
Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

0

2 months ago

alone, awake, better, beverage, caffeine, coffee, humor, just, morning, only, solitude
Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.

0

2 months ago

adolescence, again, communication, day, English, expectation, forward, humor, language, looking, parenting, speaking, teenager
I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

0

2 months ago

endurance, family, humor, listening, marathon, me, mom, never, perseverance, sarcasm, story, talk, tell

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on TikTok this month:

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

68 shares on Slack this month:

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

34 shares on Slack this month:

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

82 shares on Threads this month:

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

The ways printers are like kids: Need feeding, are noisy and can’t function when offline.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

The concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. Here’s our little murder doodler.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Big accounts just say water is wet and get 1 trillion likes.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

You can’t spell dyslexia without sexy.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I have determined there is no quiet way to get a pan out of a cabinet in the morning.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Tuesday is just Monday wearing a fake mustache.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Breaking via Snapchat:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Just landed via Twitch:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Making waves on Slack:

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨