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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Such is modern life. Mordor in our midst.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I got bills. They’re multiplying.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Who called it a missed phone call from your parents and not a boomer rang?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Want to come over and lay around naked, eating grapes like we’re in a Renaissance painting.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,334

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

Going viral on Telegram:

Imagine you’re on jury duty and the courtroom sketch artist draws stink lines above you.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

Seen just now on Messenger:

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I was having a great day, and then, people.

Just landed via Pinterest:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My DNA came back saying I come from a wide selection of cheeses.

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about late-night credit card misuse, playful warning about midnight spending.

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Commentary:
"Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight… unless you count the early morning regret as a valuable life lesson! 💳🌙💸"

after, bad, bad decisions, card, credit, credit card, decisions, good, humor, late, late night, midnight, money, night, nightlife, nothing, spending

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Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Slack this month:

If you can reach enlightenment, can you also reach endarkenment?

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

22 shares on Discord this month:

11 out of 10 women are always right.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

Women watch Netflix with subtitles because they don’t know how to listen.

94 shares on Threads this month:

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

86 shares on Discord this month:

Maximizing rent value by turning ‘homebody’ into an Olympic sport!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Welcome to middle age, where you wake up hungover whether you’ve had a drink or not.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

The only problem I have with chocolate is that one minute it’s there and the next it’s not.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

We hate the same people and it’s so romantic.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I feel like a credit card, cause I’m constantly being used irresponsibly.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Shared recently on Slack:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

Going bananas on Discord:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

Freshly posted on Threads:

D was probably like “lmao ok” when they named the alphabet the ABCs

Just landed via Twitch:

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

They should invent a person for me and me only.

Do you mind if I become the object of your desire? No worries if not.

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Keep the laugh going 😂

They should invent a person for me and me only.

Do you mind if I become the object of your desire? No worries if not.

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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